Romance style

Our type influences our style and approach to romance, through what is called the “romance style”. There are four different romance styles, one for each perceiving function, and they each have a matching romance style, based on the super-id of the type. 

The four original romance styles are the Caregivers (SJ), Infantile (NP), Aggressor (SP) and Victim (NJ). Within each romance style, there are four types from two different quadras, which differs slightly, while still being within the romance style.

The first romance style, caregiver, is present in SJ types, or types with Si in their ego. Those types has a practical, hands on approach to love, wanting to provide and care for their partner, creating a comfortable and enjoyable environment. Could be described similarly to the love language “acts of service”, in that they try to, both physically and emotionally, help and provide for their partner. The two different quadras here, alpha (SFJ) and delta (STJ), differs slightly. The SFJs are characterised through a parent approach to their partner, having an uplifting and “motherlike” approach. STJs on the other hand are more focused on a practical, pragmatic and teaching approach, sometimes treating their partner as a student.

The romance style that matches the caregiver is the infantile. Named so because of their childlike approach to love. Their way of flirting is to be light and fun, and they look for someone who can take care of them, who can teach them about life. These are the types that would want to be treated like a princess, to be covered for. Both the infantiles and caregivers has a soft approach to love and romance, ignoring power struggles. The difference between the quadras here, (alpha NT and delta NF), is that the NTs, since they are  alpha, has an even lighter and more childlike approach, and wants someone who can protect them, and manages to deal with all that they are, emotionally, sexually and intellectually. NFPs on the other hand are naturally caring people, and tends to keep this attitude in romantic relationships. They want someone that can see the inner child in them, and let them be on the receiving end as well. They want to learn from their partner, and are sometimes referred to as the “student”.

The romance style for NJs, victim, is one which name if often disliked by the gamma NTs, but we’ll get to that later. The victim romance style is characterised through wanting someone to conquer them. They want someone that can show strength. They’re also typically unsure if the other person reciprocates the feeling, and would prefer someone else to take the lead. Here, the difference between the quadras, gamma and beta, is huge, partly because of the simple reason that NTJs usually wants to rid themselves of the name “victim” as soon as possible. Since NTJs are focused on being “strong” and able to take care of themselves, the word victim is usually seen as an insult to who they are, since they identify with anything but “victim”. However, the general characteristics of the romance style still holds true, with a slight change. They’re looking for someone who is strong enough to challenge them and even beat the, but compared to beta quadra, they want an equal, someone to fight by their side. This in contrast to the NFJs, who see themselves as a prize to be won. They still want someone strong, a conqueror, but their role is somewhat different. But the role they play is more in the background, supporting and influencing from there.

The types that victims are looking for, the aggressors, are the SPs. They are, as the name states, aggressive in their pursuit. Just as victims, they have a harder approach to romance, more inclined to power games than the caregivers and infantiles. They are pushy and makes the move, making sure that something happens. Sure of their own feelings, and doesn’t wait to think about the other person’s, they make the move. Sees romance as a conquest, something to be won, just as they view everything else. The difference between the quadras matches the victims of their own quadra. The STPs are called the conquerers for a reason, having a more aggressive style. They are won over by acts of submission, as long as they’ve “won” it. Wants someone that can withstand their force without breaking. On the other hand, SFPs, to match the style of NTJs, prefers a softer type of conquest, one that they can break down piece by piece. An equal, someone that can stand by their side.

9 Replies to “Romance style”

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